Looking back on this year, I realize that I have hella failed a lot in so many aspects.
From semi-“failing” tests in my Major (Chemistry) to literally failing as a person to express myself fully, whether it be through actions, socially, or emotionally – I haven’t been a “perfect” person (there is no such thing as a perfect person btw lol, sorry to burst one’s idealistic bubble). But yea, however these failures is what leads the human race onward, it’s what leads us to the future, it’s what leads us to a brighter tomorrow as a whole.
One great failure I would like to thank is my social failure in a club I thought was where I semi-fit in. Indeed I did feel a bit comforted knowing I was surrounded by my own people [of nationality and color], but it wasn’t enough for me. The academia aspect within me overtook the capitalist and petite bourgeois aspect that so many in the US face today – the seeking to party, be popular, and spend thrifty capital wealth. Indeed it was fun for a time, but it wasn’t who I was and it wasn’t the me I was meant to be. When it all boiled down, I was ready to learn, ready to seek the history of the Philippines, and definitely ready to make a change and learn why certain things happened – and when it wasn’t fulfilled in that environment, I semi-decided to seek out others who did engage and open up such a space (and told us of events!). However going back to the failure part of the story, I ended up failing to be the Secretary of the club (Yes I did try to run! I really love taking notes and being nerdy, so I did think it was a duty I would boldly serve in order to help move the club forward). However, I lost! I was brought up and told by the masses that my potential for such a position was there (also Historian was on my mind), however I wanted to be Secretary just because my “big” was the previous Secretary as well as the fact that I like taking notes and being a basic nerd and being organized. Gosh, LOL, losing…semi-gave me relief but I guess I was also sad. It was the first time I ever ran for a club position in my life (I was down to do something in HS but it never went through), so like I mean, I guess like giving my heart for the club, from the food to the meetings to all the other stuff, it still means something to me but I guess I flubbed it in one way or another – whether from the speech or presentation or just not being as “popular” enough, I accepted the lose happily though! I then went to see and just be in the space of CRAASH (the Coalition for the Revitalization of Asian American Studies at Hunter).
And that is where fate started to play in. I was glad that I failed in this one aspect of my life, for without it I wouldn’t have been led to what has been happening to me currently – to be organized, functioning as a member within a grassroots organization that tackles problems face to face with members of society, and to tell the honest and open truth. That we, the people, must lead this realm together – not for the course of money, wealth and gain. Not for the course of our own personal interest. But for the course in which humanity can prosperously and genuinely be united and progress together. If you think it but not say it loudly, let it be known that there are others out there. If you know it but don’t want to show it, let it be known that there are others out there. If you are it and do it but in your own accord, let it be known that there are others out there. We are here, we always have been and always will. You can act by yourself or within those groups just like I have, but let me say that we are out there – and hopefully we find you or you find us.
Some other failures along the way was the organizing done within CRAASH. It was my first time every being organized (politically), as well as joining another political org that will forever be my utmost cherished story (AnakbayanNY) and just, yea. From the actions to the sayings to the outreach to other aspects, I really felt bad whenever not enough was done – when it could have been.